Is it possible to live without jealousy without getting enlightened first!
“It is possible. If you are enlightened then the question of jealousy does not arise at all; then it is impossible to have jealousy. Before enlightenment it is possible to live without jealousy. You just have to look into the causes of jealousy.
“What makes you jealous? – possessiveness. Jealousy itself is not the root. You love a woman, you love a man; you want to possess the man or the woman just out of fear that perhaps tomorrow he may move with somebody else. The fear of tomorrow destroys your today, and it is a vicious circle. If every day is destroyed because of the fear of tomorrow, sooner or later the man is going to look for some other woman because you are just a pain in the neck. And when he starts looking for another woman or starts moving with another woman, you think your jealousy has proved right. In fact it is your jealousy that has created the whole thing.
So the first thing to remember is: Don’t be bothered about tomorrows; today is enough. Somebody loves you…let this be a day of joy, a day of celebration. Be so totally in love today that your totality and your love will be enough for the man not to move away from you. Your jealousy will move him away; only your love can keep him with you. His jealousy will move you away; his love can keep you with him.
“Don’t think of tomorrow. The moment you think of tomorrow your living today remains half-hearted. Just live today, and leave tomorrow, it will take its own course. And remember one thing, that if today has been such a beauty of experience, such a blessing – out of today is born tomorrow, so why be worried about it?
“If some day the man you have loved, the woman you have loved finds somebody else – it is simply human to be happy, but your woman is happy with somebody else – it does not make any difference whether she is happy with you or happy with somebody else, she is happy. And if you love her so much how can you destroy her happiness?
“A real love will always be happy if the partner feels joyous with somebody else. In this situation – when a woman is with somebody else, and you are still happy and you are still grateful to the woman and you still tell the woman, “You have absolute freedom; just be totally happy, that is my happiness. With whom you are happy is insignificant, what is significant is your happiness” – my feeling is that she cannot remain away from you for long, she will be back. Who can leave such a man or such a woman?
Your jealousy destroys everything.
Your possessiveness destroys everything.
“Before enlightenment you have to understand that what you are gaining out of jealousy you are burning in the fire: the more you become jealous and angry and hateful, the more you are throwing the other person far away from you. It is simple arithmetic that it is not going to help; you are destroying the same thing that you want to preserve. It is simply idiotic – it is German!
“Just try to understand a simple fact that human beings are human beings. Everybody gets bored with the same person once in a while. Be factual; don’t live in fictions. Everybody gets fed up with the same person once in a while. That does not mean that his love has stopped; it simply means a little change is needed. It is good for his health, it is good for your health. You both need a little holiday from each other. Why not do it consciously, “We are feeling stuck. What about having a one-week holiday? I love you, you love me; that is so certain that there is no fear.”
My own experience is that after one day’s holiday you will fall in love with each other on a higher and deeper level, because now you will see how much you love each other: you cannot even see the sadness that comes naturally by living together. Don’t possess each other. Keep the freedom intact so that you don’t interfere in each other’s private world and you respect the dignity of the other person.
“Once this is felt, once in a while you may go on separate holidays, come back again and there will be no need to be worried. You will be surprised that when your woman comes back to you after living with some other man for seven days, and you come back to your woman after living with some other woman for seven days, you both have learned some new things. You can have another honeymoon again. You are new and fresh, and you have learned new tricks. And it is always good to have fresh experiences, enrichment.
“It is not that you need enlightenment and only then jealousy will disappear; you only need human understanding, intelligence, and jealousy will disappear.
“So don’t wait for enlightenment! I know many sannyasins are waiting for enlightenment, and meanwhile being as much jealous as possible, because after enlightenment you cannot!”
This is an interview on women by the German magazine, Brigitte.
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Osho, Socrates Poisoned Again after 25 Centuries, Talk #21, The Fear of Tomorrow Destroys Your Today