Misunderstanding Love


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Reading about the sad story of Jiah Khan I was reminded of the Osho wisdom about human love and its frailty. His comment echoes truth :” Lovers love only while they are not yet in a fixed relationship. As the relationship settles, love disappears. Once the relationship is fixed, instead of love, something else takes place: possessiveness.”

One comes across this mishap again and again. Every love story ends in a sob story, or even worse, a suicide story. More often love is sacrificed at the altar of marriage for the sake of security, social recognition.They still go on calling it love, but it is hate, not love.

It is adjustment, not love.

Osho suggests, instead of saying “I love you” say, “I possess you.” It will be more realistic and lovers will not be disillusioned by the relationship. There is a great misunderstanding about love. Basically people are afraid of their loneliness, and because they cannot be alone they cling to the other person like a lifeline. This very clinging makes the other wriggle out of the bondage. This sentence “I cannot live without you,” is a danger signal. It is against the essential nature of love. Love is a flower that blossoms in freedom. It needs its own space, its own sky, its own sunlight and soil. If lovers don’t give that kind of freedom to each other the flower is bound to die.

It’s unfortunate that there is a great thirst for love but there is no education on the art of loving. Meditation should be taught to all lovers so as to understand the complexity of love. People have everything that wealth can give them, they are talented but have no training of handling their emotions. All the dark emotions are lurking inside like snakes and scorpios. As a result, when they fall in love they also fall in hate, they fall in jealousy, domination. They try to possess the lover because they don’t possess themselves. After the rosy romance wears off the reality looms up and they start blaming each other for the ugliness of their relationship.

Another misunderstanding about love is that it should be everlasting. On the contrary love is very fragile, it’s like a breeze, it drifts at will. No love can be permanent and that’s why it is so precious. It is a mystery.

The idea that you can only love oner person and nobody else is another killer of love. Words like ‘ infidelity, loyalty’ are old fashioned, they strangulate the aliveness of love. The more lovers are allowed to share their love with others the more they can grow in love. They say, the emotion is blind. So why not give it the the vision of meditation?

Author: Amrit Sadhana